Hello My Faithful Readers...
Gossip Girl here, putting a disclaimer on this post right at the beginning. These are not my words. One of your very own has sent in something she wishes to be heard and I feel an obligation to let her speak. So this will be an unusual post of sorts. But here are the words of one of your very own...
From The Journal of Lola...
This semester has been the hardest of my entire life, not only because my friends aren't here, but because everything seems to be pulled out from under me again. I don't think I've ever felt more distant from God than I do right now. It's breaking my heart to see so many of my friends hurting and my family falling to pieces on one side. Everything about this semester I've hated with the exception of spending more time with the few friends that did not study abroad. I haven't made an effort at all honestly to let God speak to me because I've been so angry through most of this semester.
The only joy I've had was when my brother came home from Basic Training in October. I cried when I saw him because I was so happy to see him. My brother is a soldier and I'm so very proud of him because I love him to pieces. I'm working toward not allowing this generation of my family become like the previous where they fight constantly and hurt each other for no reason other than their selfish hate.
Most recently, my tickets for the "New Moon" premiere were stolen right at school. I go to a Christian school for crying out loud where it's expected that we will treat each other with at least the very human decency we're entitled to. For someone to steal that from me and take that one thing that I've been looking forward to all semester...that's a new kind of low. I am trying not to dampen my faith in others, but that is difficult when I've seen so much of that kind of hatred my entire life from family and people that were supposed to be my brothers and sisters in Christ both now and within the last few years. Sometimes it hurts more to know that someone can be so mean and cruel to someone they don't even know.
This semester has been about trying to find myself, but I just find that I'm more lost than I was to begin with. I struggle with trying to fill the space that's been created by the void that exists in my heart from all the years of abuse. Healing isn't easy. I just hope that I can find that childlike faith that used to exist when I was younger. Until then, I don't know what I'm doing anymore. I'm scared. Frustrated. Unsure. Lost. All I do know is that I want this pain to go away. I need it to be taken from me because I can't handle it anymore.
You know you love me...
xoxo Gossip Girl
Gossip Girl here, putting a disclaimer on this post right at the beginning. These are not my words. One of your very own has sent in something she wishes to be heard and I feel an obligation to let her speak. So this will be an unusual post of sorts. But here are the words of one of your very own...
From The Journal of Lola...
This semester has been the hardest of my entire life, not only because my friends aren't here, but because everything seems to be pulled out from under me again. I don't think I've ever felt more distant from God than I do right now. It's breaking my heart to see so many of my friends hurting and my family falling to pieces on one side. Everything about this semester I've hated with the exception of spending more time with the few friends that did not study abroad. I haven't made an effort at all honestly to let God speak to me because I've been so angry through most of this semester.
The only joy I've had was when my brother came home from Basic Training in October. I cried when I saw him because I was so happy to see him. My brother is a soldier and I'm so very proud of him because I love him to pieces. I'm working toward not allowing this generation of my family become like the previous where they fight constantly and hurt each other for no reason other than their selfish hate.
Most recently, my tickets for the "New Moon" premiere were stolen right at school. I go to a Christian school for crying out loud where it's expected that we will treat each other with at least the very human decency we're entitled to. For someone to steal that from me and take that one thing that I've been looking forward to all semester...that's a new kind of low. I am trying not to dampen my faith in others, but that is difficult when I've seen so much of that kind of hatred my entire life from family and people that were supposed to be my brothers and sisters in Christ both now and within the last few years. Sometimes it hurts more to know that someone can be so mean and cruel to someone they don't even know.
This semester has been about trying to find myself, but I just find that I'm more lost than I was to begin with. I struggle with trying to fill the space that's been created by the void that exists in my heart from all the years of abuse. Healing isn't easy. I just hope that I can find that childlike faith that used to exist when I was younger. Until then, I don't know what I'm doing anymore. I'm scared. Frustrated. Unsure. Lost. All I do know is that I want this pain to go away. I need it to be taken from me because I can't handle it anymore.
You know you love me...
xoxo Gossip Girl
I am praying for Lola, as always and wish there was more I could do.
ReplyDeleteThanks for being so open and honest with us, Lola. I wish that things were different and I am so sorry that this semester has been really tough for you. I know that we talk about how things are going to be more than completely different next semester than anything we have ever been through before. Take some measure of peace and confidence in the fact that we are still together and still breathing. I'll be there in about 21 days to hug you and tell you again that through God and with each other, we are going to get through all of this.
ReplyDeleteLola appreciates the thoughts and prayers. This semester has just been so hard on her; emotionally, physically, mentally, and every other capacity. It seems like each time there's a break, something else just smacks her in the face. It's one of those things.
ReplyDeleteIt hurts me to know how much you have been hurting this semester. I'm sorry for all the pain that you have had, but you have made it through and that shows the strength that you have, i know this semester hasn't been fun but it has made you stronger. I know that D, little K, and L have changed a lot this semester but I believe it is in a good way, and I am excited to come back and share with you what we have learned and share our changes with you. It has been a semester of growing and i can't wait for us to all grow with each other!
ReplyDelete